¡Bienvenido, Pablo!

I trust that our ever-loving Big Brother whooshed you through a hassle-free border crossing at Santa Teresa. So, let me be second to say: Welcome to the United States! Your tio Martinez generously arranged for me to get you settled (he also filled me in on your little fiesta with the Mexican authorities last month). Lucky for you, I’m your first steps to a fresh start! As for the next steps…

1. Treat yourself. You’re American now. But, also, you’re pinching pennies until you have a steady revenue stream. So watch your budget. (Example: instead of throwing an edibles party, meet your amigos at the hot dog stand down the street; bring your own beer and order a side of green chili.)

2. Hit the ground running. Say to that handsome mug in the mirror: You’re gonna nail it. You’re gonna crush it! Then, get a legitimate job. I know a guy who knows a guy who handles paperwork; don’t worry about the details. But for the love of Dios, don’t work with your idiot brother. The right pair of eyeballs and a cheap set of binoculars are sure to shut down that “secret” greenhouse any day now.

3. Be smart, shut up. With all this free (to you) advice, you’re already smarter than I was at your age! I know how you feel: all young and ready to take on the world and make a difference… or just stay out of jail, but no sense splitting hairs here. But “I don’t know” is your golden answer to any questions about you, your family, what brought you to the fine state of New Mexico, etc. Better yet, exercise your freedom of silence and call me.

4. Teamwork makes the dream work. But only if your team doesn’t suck. So from now on, your team is just me and Señor Martinez. Bid adios to former friends, and then suddenly your future is a beautiful picture of possibility.

5. Come by my office. I have some stuff for you from your uncle. I could tell you what it is, but where’s the fun in that?

As the bald eagle soars,

Saul Goodman